Please keep in mind, that before today, any time a siren has gone off, any time there has been bad weather, NO ONE has joined my fiance, son, fur babies and me in the laundry facility across the hall.
All of that changed today.
Damn you Missouri, damn your bipolar weather, with its mood swings and bull shit.
I am not sure what created more anxiety for me today:
Gay Pride STL 2015 and all the hateful ass "Christians" screaming hate as we walked to the parade, the possibility that some Bible thumping homophobic crazies would shoot us all, the chance that a tornado would destroy our home, or the neighbors we spent 56 minutes with inside a tiny laundry room.
They were all terrible.
Either way, this day required two pills and Gin.
Before one of you gets all "Oh poor Lauren, medicating herself inappropriately and handling her stress with alcohol....", SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP, AND READ...
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I know that my son will be leaving the state for 17 days, and even when I do not realize his absence is a trigger, it suddenly slaps me in the face and I get all "Nothing better happen to my baby!" in a matter of seconds.
I get paranoid, I have nightmares, blah blah blah (see previous blog), and needless to say I become a raging ball of emotion. So, yeah, yesterday was no bueno. (For you non Spanish speaking folk, that means my day sucked ass.)
Today, Sunday, Pride Parade
... Yay... right?
Of course not.
Not until I have screamed at the love of my life and ended the morning in a crying tantrum. But, hey, we actually made it. We got in the car. We drove downtown, We made it to pride.
My mother, who only adds to my anxiety, thought she would text me this morning.
"Have fun today and be careful. there are lots of sick minds out."
And just in case I did not get her text message, she also decided to Facebook message me.
Out?
Out where?
Where are they?
Why do you know where these sick minds are?
Hmmm, Thanks mother. This is the best thing I could possibly read while removing my 5 year old son from the car, on our way to a huge event with thousands of people, many who hates lesbians and hope I die... I love you.
so, yeah, that happened.
Back to this severe weather business. Grayson and I both napped for roughly two hours after we got back from Pride, and I finally decided to wake him up. We binge ate burgers and ice cream as a family and it was bath time. Once again, my super positive mother was texting me about bad weather. I was convinced that it had passed us, and then... the sirens went off.
Like I said in the beginning, no one ever comes to take cover with our family... until tonight.
The following neighbors were in a small room with us.....
Upstairs Neighbors:
Two women and a pug. Annoying, Loud. East Coast accents. Terrified of bad weather, Smokers. Fast talkers.
Husband, Wife, Child. Dad has all the latest updates on his phone. Play by play. Every 30 seconds.
Neighbors who do not live in our building:
Woman, Baby Daddy, Adorable Child, Grandmother of Child. Grandma knows everything. She is very persistant on letting everyone know the precise location of any possible funnel cloud or tornado within a 50 mile radius. She enjoys running up and down the apartment halls, looking outside, yelling, and ensuring that everyone is frantic.
Mom. Dad. Two babies. No one ever speaks.
Mom. Dad. 4 year old who continuously kicks the washing machine, and their new 5 day old baby girl. Mom wants to tell everyone about the hospital wanting to keep her an additional day because they think she will suffer postpartum. They named the baby "June", because... it's June.
Downstairs neighbors.
Two lesbians (not us), their cat and their 3 year old son. Very chill family, but very concerned with the safety and well being of their cat. Mickey Mouse videos loudly playing for their child.
Lady with dog on a leash. Smoking in the hall way, and has "no fucks to give"....
There were various other neighbors who walked in and out of the room, none that I have ever seen before, but that is besides the point.
We spent over 45 minutes with all of these people, in a very hot room, with children screeching and animals hissing and barking, and phone updates, sirens, and pure chaos...
so what do I do at minute 14....?
I become a classy bitch.
I walk back over to our apartment, poor a huge glass of gin over ice with lemon and lime, and walk back to the laundry room. I take a few huge sips and stop giving a shit about all the people we are surrounded by.
This was not a time for counting to ten, for taking deep breathes, for writing down my thoughts. This was not a time for taking an extra pill, for listening to Enya, or for taking a bubble bath. This was a moment for me to chug a strong drink and think "Shut the hell up" during a possible tornado.
Today was really rough. I prefer to never deal with a day like this again, or ever be trapped with strangers.. like on an island, or in a room, or an elevator, like ever.... ever again. My heart was racing, I was sweating like a lumberjack, and I could not focus on any of the 10 conversations taking place.
But guess what?
Despite my anxiety, my negativity, my bull shit attitude...
We are safe. We are healthy. We are unharmed.
Pride was fun. A tornado did NOT destroy our home. Our neighbors were...... tolerable, and well...
Gin makes shit okay sometimes.