Since my last update, you all know I am relocating to Alabama.
The count down has officially begun, and my last day in Missouri is August 9, 2016. Terrified, confused, overwhelmed, excited, and experiencing every emotion known to man, I am throwing myself into this experience head first.
Over the 4th of July holiday, I interviewed and accepted a position with a home health company in Pensacola, FL. I am literally minutes from this! Oh hey there giant beach ball water tower, looking good!
Aside from these huge changes, seeing a therapist, enrolling my son into a brand new school, packing up and donating everything I own, and preparing for a massive life transition, I decided that I could go cold turkey from my medication. (*YES!, despite the side effects.)
It is amazing how finding myself again, finding happiness, a sense of relief, finding my calm, my peace within, how all of that can really put things into perspective and suddenly my desire to medicate and be dependent on a pill has disappeared. It is weird how happy I can feel, how much clarity I somehow have experienced. It is sad to realize how miserable and unhappy I have been for five years. I know I struggle with anxiety and depression, I know I struggle to maintain sanity at times, but a large amount of my anxiety, my irrational thought processes, my sadness and fears were a direct response to my environment, the people I was surrounded by, and the situations I placed myself in.
I have been smiling a lot lately. I have been more relaxed, more content and willing to let life happen. I am existing and letting go of my past. I am finding myself again.